wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
