This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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