Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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