even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize