Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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