It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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