i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
