Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
