I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize