My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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