So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
