i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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