Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she was so not down for the gang bang
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
