Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
