yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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