I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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