Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
