apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
