Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
