i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
