You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
