My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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