Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
