i love accidental penises.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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