You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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