I think my fart just growled at me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
