Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize