wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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