i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
