okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize