Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
