oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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