Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
