I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
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I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
