I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
