I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
