I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
