My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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