Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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