On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
