Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
