oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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