pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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