i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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