I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
