I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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