so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
