Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
