We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
