Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
