oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
