OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
