I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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