The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Everyone says I win the strip club
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
