Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
