Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
