New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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