They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
