so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
