Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
