Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
