I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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