I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
