My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
