thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
