Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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