So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
