a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
